hfjxhzfjhzfjhjhxjhf asked: Here’s the intro scene for a script I’m writing
Please critique
FOIL SOLDIER
A SCREENPLAY BY MOLLY GLICK
DRAFT, 2009
intro. Ext. morning.
Credits are placed on a small stretch of gravel, the font whimsical.
Playful music plays almost mutely in the background.
As the credits finish, all excluding the title, the camera rolls over to…
MAN’S FEET-
The object appears to be a pair of grungy and dirty sneakers, of the type most hobos apply on their feet.
The cameras rolls from the man’s FEET, to LEGS, to TORSO, and, finally, a head develops into view.
This man wears a tightly fitted, warn suit, and a loose wool cap. Large sunglasses cover his eyes.
He relaxes against the bland gravel.
A PAIR OF LEGS step over this man, and then another and another, an so on, due to the fact A CROWD PASSES BY.
The camera releases its tight focus.
THE CROWD continues to step over THIS MAN.
As the camera unfocuses more and more, we can now see the makings of a common suburban street, (crisp houses w/ perfect lawns, a seemingly semi-wealthy neighborhood)
The cameras continues to release its focus until it reaches a position far above the neighborhood.
It’s focus rests in a bright blue sky, where the words FOIL SOLDIER appear in the clouds.